Amazing Adventure 7!: Dankify!
by Gamerwhogames
Summary: A new approach at the Amazing Adventure, I give you Dankify, a random PWP of the dankest proportions, or so I hope. Tell me in a review if I reached Dankify. Jesse tries to kiss paper, everything catches fire, Petra thinks Lukas is perfect, Gill and Aiden find dat boi, Lonely says an entire sentence, Ivor buys everything and Jessica is encountered by someone she doesn't quite know!


**Author's Note:**

 **So, this crackfic will be PWP. It's Amazing Adventure 7!**

 **Crisper: But what about AA6?**

 **Me: That'll be continued. Just one more chapter to go, but anyways, hit it, Crisper!**

 **Crisper: (hits it)**

* * *

It started on a Monday. Everyone was doing fine and stuff. Jesse was working another boring shift at Paper Corps, because the rest of the Order was out being Orderly. Pun intended. Jesse stacked the paper, his fingers tingling with anticipation as he tenderly placed the blank sheets into their bins. He hummed to himself as his fingers trailed along their flat tops, tracing to their edges before-

"Ow! A papercut!" He shouted before crumbling the paper up and stuffing it into his pants. "I'm gonna sit on you!" He shouted, dragging a chair to his desk and slamming down on it. His previously annoyed face softened into a loving smile as he continued to stack the papers. After a few minutes of loving motions, something caught his eyes. She was slightly pink. She was beautiful. And, boy oh boy, she was cotton! He picked up the pink sheet of paper, gazing romantically into her eyes.

"Paaayypuuurrr..." He purred, shutting his eyes blissfully and taking in its rather plain scent. His finger playfully stroked her face. "Paaaaaayyypuuuurrrrr..." His r's rolled as he leaned in for a kiss.

"JESSE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Axel shouted, walking into the room with two cups of coffee. Jesse looked into his best friend's eyes, embarrassment filling him.

"I got... bored...?"

"Were you about to kiss that paper?! Jesse, what's WRONG with you?!" Axel shouted before filling his large lungs with air. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" He screamed so loudly and hard and long that his hair caught fire! He screamed so loudly and hard and long that _Jesse_ caught fire! Jesse started screaming in pain, but his screams were so loud and long and hard that the person on the other line caught fire! Yeah, he had someone on hold. Let's see who he, or she, is!

POV Switch

Olivia was on the phone with Jesse until loud screaming filled her ears. But before she knew it, her head was on fire!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Olivia screamed. But since she was alone in her bedroom, no one could hear her, and there was no one else to set fire to. So, logically, the fire on her head intensified, giving off a blue burn instead of the usual red.

POV Switch

Petra strolled down the street, whistling softly to herself as random thoughts about Lukas flooded her mind. For the past year, random thoughts about the blonde overwhelmed her to an almost insanity-evoking extent! In fact, it had _already_ overwhelmed her! She was just whistling to keep herself under wraps!

But all of that peace was destroyed as she rounded the corner to enter Starbucks. There he was. Her Lukas. Her little Lukas "Lukapoo" Whose-Last-Name-Petra-Didn't-Know-But-Felt-She-Just-Might-Die-Without-Acquiring.

She instantly melted at his sight, imagining running her fingers through his perfectly blonde hair. Kissing his perfectly round forehead. Hearing his perfectly soft voicce as he said only perfectly beautiful things. His perfectly perfected perfections overwhelmed her and she knew that she may very well die without being by his perfectly calm side, holding his perfectly cleaned hand as they sat together in perfectly perfect perfection. It was just... perfect.

And it was perfectly kept in her perfect imagination.

She jumped out of her perfect imagination and laid eyes on her perfectly sweet lover-to-be, but her perfectly fine stomach turned perfectly sour as her own perfect little eyes fell on something perfectly nasty!

Sitting nastily by perfect Lukas's perfectly beautiful side was the nasty Maya. Her nastily straight hair was held together by a nastily yellow band. Petra's perfectly keen eyes couldn't stand to see Maya's nastily blue gaze on Lukas's perfectly adorable face, and Petra's perfectly intense feelings were starting to take their toll on the perfectly jealous girl.

Petra's perfect feet made a perfectly straight beeline for the nastily seated Ocelot who dared nastily sit by Lukas's perfectly kind side. Petra's perfectly painful anger reached the perfectly hot boiling point, and she felt her perfectly awesome heart would explode with perfected enfuriation.

"Maya," She began perfectly in the most perfectly polite tone you ever did hear! "Why are you nastily sitting next to my perfectly beautiful Lukas?"

"Petra, why're you talking like that?" The perfect Lukas questioned, his tone at the prime of perfection.

"Because, perfect Lukas, no one as nastily nasty as Maya should sit next to someone as perfectly perfect as you!"

"Wait, wha?" Maya nastily asked, a nasty confusion to match her nasty words.

"Petra, I don't think that's politically correct." Lukas advised perfectly. Petra gasped, perfectly surprised that Lukas was perfectly taking the nasty Maya's side in this perfectly heated argument.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH ME IN PERFECT HARMONY, LUKAPOO!" Petra screamed. Suddenly, her hair caught fire. Screaming and flailing, she ran into the bathroom and slammed her head into the toilet to soothe the flame. But it was too late. Or, since this is Starbucks Coffeehouse, it was... it was just...

It was too latte.

Everyone's hair caught fire! Everyone made a beeline for the bathroom, pushing and shoving and, yes of course, screaming. The screams transported the fire to the building itself and Starbucks and everything inside of it burned to Rice Krispsies.

But it was perfect.

POV Switch

Isa marched down the stairs, regal gold dress floating in the breeze as Reginald noted her arrival, greeting her with a quaint bow.

"Reggie," He tried very hard to ignore that. He didn't like people calling him Reggie.

"Yes, my spleen- I mean 'queen'?" It was an accident. I swear.

"I need you to watch this." She said, taking off her shirt. Reginald's eyes widened in shock as Isa undressed, only being relieved when she revealed that she was wearing something under the tunic. "Guard it with your wife." She commanded.

"Um, Flounder, I mean 'Founder'. I don't have a life- I mean 'wife'! I don't have a wife!" Reginald's tongue was tied, you could say.

"You do now." She said before snapping her fingers. Two guards marched into a room, a golden box hoisted on their strong shoulders. Reginald's eyes widened in more shock than he ever imagined possible. The guards put the golden case down and handed Isa the keys.

"Farewell, Rust Drooler, we meant to say 'Just Ruler'." They said before running for their heads. Isa watched them go, skepticism in her eye before she opened the golden casket.

That was no slip of the tongue. I said and meant casket.

Reginald's stomach turned awry when he saw the deathly pale skin of the dead husk of what used to be a woman. Skin and bone was she, and if Isa thought he was going to marry _that_ thing, well she was dead wrong! Pun intended!

"There she is. Just one kiss and she's yours." Isa explained to a very bewildered Reginald.

"Your Wryness, I mean, your highness, she's dead." Reginald explained, pointing at the dead body with Ellegaard's 'Does She Faint Often' face. Isa shrugged carelessly.

"Nothing a true love's kiss won't fix."

"I don't even know her, much less if I even _like_ her." Reginald argued.

"Kiss the dead woman, Reggie!" Isa shouted, her eyes splitting in horrifying anger.

POV Switch

Aiden and Gill were walking down the street, glaring at the passerby. Gill whipped a corn-dog out of his back pocket and started eating it. As he enjoyed the corny goodness, Gill started moonwalking backwards. Aiden gave him the stink eye before something amazing happened.

Along the sidewalk, a little frog rode past them on a unicycle, followed by a group of Korean kids. Aiden squealed in absolute pleasure.

"GILL! GILL, LOOK! IT'S DAT BOI!" He shouted, rubbing his hands together as Gill moonwalked beside him, wearing on big sunglasses.

"Well, hubba hubba." Gill said, the dankness of the meme overcoming him completely. "Memes so dank." He added, his face contorting as tears lined his eyelids. Aiden and Gill watched with intense satisfaction as the dank Koreans rode past them on their dankcycles. Woo!

"Dank like my motha's hot cheetos 'n takis!" Aiden said, throwing on some dankness.

"Aiden, that's not even a meme!"

"Then you'll just have to deal with it." He replied, popping on some pixel-shades.

"It's time to get Memify!" Gill shouted before Aiden dropped to his knees.

"Fergive meh!" He shouted before Gill kicked him in the stomach.

"No. You're not a meme yet." He scolded. Suddenly, their eyes and mouths were stretched to the max! They were getting memify!

The memify was getting way too high, so Aiden's pants caught fire! After a few minutes of just sitting there and staring at each other's spazzed out facial-features, _Gill's_ pants caught fire! Before you knew it, they were just two dank'd up boys lacking pants, staring at each other's facial-features with totally dank'd faces.

Suddenly, they both started dabbing!

"I'm gonna go sit on the toilet!" Aiden suddenly shouted, running into CVS pharmacy. Gill suddenly had a sudden urge to bother Axel, so he went into CVS pharmacy and stole ten dollars in wax. When Aiden was finished doing nothing but sitting on the toilet, they both headed on down to the local pants store to buy some new pants. But then, it happened again.

They saw Dat Boi.

In the Pajamas.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Gill screamed, causing himself, Aiden and the entire wholesale store to burst alight with blood-red flames! Dat boi in the pajamas calmly rolled out of the store before it Baja Blasted its head off.

"DANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODSDANKBLAZERODS!" Gill screamed, sheer enjoyment overruning his senses.

"MEMIFY!" Aiden screamed, ripping off his clothes and skin. "Flexy sexy!" He yelled, showing off his strong, lean muscular system. Gill passed out after reaching full memify, and Aiden followed only seconds later.

They lay there on the ground, their bodies twitching heaps of flesh of the meme.

POV Switch

Ivor was walking through Walmart. He was going to buy everything that caught his eye. He swore to Notch.

He saw deodorant. He put it into his basket. He was going to buy it.

He saw a bucket of candy. He put it into his basket. He was going to buy it.

He saw a bag of dominos. He put it into his basket. He was going to buy it.

He saw a Twilight book. He put it into his basket. He was going to buy it. Even though Twilight sucked, or at least that's what his momma told him.

He saw an entire aisle of random drugs. He cleared the row, and somehow it all managed to fit in his basket. He was going to buy them.

He saw underwear. Gabriel the Warrior underwear, to be exact. He put them into his basket. He was going to buy them.

He saw a person try to kidnap a kid. He put the predator into his basket. For some reason, he was going to buy him.

He saw a woman in appalling clothes. Well, she caught his eye, thus he had to buy her. So he put her into his basket. He was going to buy her.

He saw a tube of hemorrhoid cream. He definitely did _not_ have hemorrhoids, butt the tube caught his eye. He had to buy it. So he put it into his basket.

He saw his reflection in the mirror. He sat in the basket. He was going to buy him.

Now if there was just someone to push the basket.

POV Switch

Ocelott was sitting in the kitchen while Itscartooncookie read the newspaper. Lonely was in the kitchen, cooking himself and the other two something to eat. Itscartooncookie turned a page.

"Why are they making us vote for president this year? Everyone's crazy. Not like there's a difference." He grumbled to himself while Ocelott kissed her twinkie fire-dingo, a smile spreading across her face.

"Meme!" She shouted before LonelyWhistler walked into the dining room with three plates of green-beans. He set the plates down in front of them, but Ocelott made a stink.

"AAAAAAAAHHH! SNEEEKK!" She screamed, grabbing an M4K1 and doing away with it. Itscartooncookie ripped off his shirt and started doing the bellyroll.

"Meme, baby, meme!" He shouted while LonelyWhistler stared at the two in shock.

"Why can't we just have a quiet dinner?!" He shouted, causing everything to stop.

"Lonely, you can speak fluent English?"

"It's a crackfic, today! Of course I can! Why do you two have to do something crazy everytime I set plates of food on the table?!" Ocelott's eyes rolled back into her head and she started singing the ABC song, clapping along to the beet as she went turnip.

"Oooooo!" Itscartooncookie shouted, continuing his bellyrolling magic whilst LonelyWhistler banged his head on the table again and again. "I should do some bowling, 'cuz this belly can rooooolll!"

LonelyWhistler started pouring bleach into their cups.

POV Switch

Jessica was outside walking when a complete stranger with the bushiest hair ever walked up to her. Jessica didn't know what to focus on: her hair, the fact that her hair looked like the tree a few blocks behind her, or should she question how on earth did this woman drive?!

"Hey! I know you!" The bushyheaded woman yelled, running up to Jessica and wrapping her in a breathtaking hug. Jessica choked and gasped for air before the woman let go. "When we went to college together, didn't we do that... thing...?"

"Uuuh... sure...?"

"I remember that! I knew you when you were this tall," She put her hand just above the height of Jessica's shin. Jessica nodded unsurely.

"What... what exactly did we do?"

"You don't remember?!"

"O-of course I do! Yeah, I remember!" Jessica replied, more like rep- _lied_.

"Ma baby chald! Lemme take a selfie!" The woman shouted, dragging Jessica by the neck. Jessica choked her pleas but it was too late. She was getting kidnapped by either the "friend" she hadn't seen since before homecoming, her distant, maybe biracial, aunt, or a total stranger. But who knew? "We're gonna have so much fun, baby chald!" The woman shouted loudly while Jessica choked and writhed.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!" Jessica screamed. Her cry, of course, was so loud that it caused the woman's big bushy hair to catch fire! Then, everything that looked like that woman's hair was set aflame! Trees, bushes, those big balls from Target. They all caught fire and no one could do a thing about it! The fire spread to Jessica who was still in a chokehold, causing the girl to scream even louder! Then, the unexpected happened.

Everything exploded into bottles of cash.

To be continued...

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Yes, there will be a continuation, obviously. As a new chapter or maybe another Amazing Adventure. Did I reach dankify? Let me know in a review! Well, cya! Close it, Crisper!**

 **Crisper: (closes it)**


End file.
